I feel like I have had about 45 Chapter 1’s in my life.  So I am starting here to write about a new beginning.  I could literally back it up and wow you with the life I have lived, but I have trouble sitting for more than 15 minutes at a time (don’t know where Anson gets that from) so I am going to start here.  I will try to summarize the past 2 months of what I have been doing medically as succinctly as I can.

May sucked  – not a lot more to say about that.

Beginning of June – stopped all medications (Chemo and bone shots)

Tried to figure out what to do.

Pain syndromes went away.  Fevers stopped.

Beginning of June:  Scans were OK.  No huge changes but a few subtle ones in some areas that were concerning

Overall conclusion:  chemo was less effective (expected over time) and there was a chance that my cancer was trying to rebel.

Future Plans: get into a clinical trial (phase II) that is happening right here at the GREAT University of NC at Chapel Hill – Go Heels!

Questionable time period as to whether I could get in (3 week span when I was on no drugs – scary and wonderful all at the same time)

Finally found out I did!  Good Day.  Excited about the potential.  Preliminary results were looking good.

The Trial:  consists of a lot of MD visits, infusions, shots, biopsy’s, port replacement (that just happened today as the experimental drug was not able to be injected into the current port that I have),  CT scans, EKGs,  more doctor’s visits, shots, infusions, CT scans, EKGs. more doctors appointments…you get the picture.

I started on the new drug last week, June 30.  It was pretty uneventful with the exception of some belly troubles.  I will not gross you out with those details but needless to say, Imodium and I are having an affair – don’t tell Ed (wink wink).  And all said and done – I have felt better this week than I have in months.  I have to go every Tuesday for infusions, blood work and MD visits & Wednesdays for EKGs for 3 weeks in a row and then I get a week of rest (my first week of rest happens to fall on the week of the fundraiser – see previous post – insert shameless plug here).  I am excited about the opportunity to participate in the trial.  I am hopeful that there will be good results and I am grateful that God has given me this opportunity to be exactly where I am in life.

In the beginning of this journey I would tell myself to breath.  A lot more than one should ever have to think about breathing.  It wasn’t just the stressful times, it was the happy times, sad times, painful times, painless times, anxiety driven times, calm times tearful times and elated times.  You name the emotion – I would just breath through it.  It was all I could wrap around my head around to get through a moment in time with so much going on.  Over the past 6 months I found a new mantra that was to be present.  Be present when you are having a conversation, praying, laughing, watching your child, seeing someone do something amazing, seeing someone do something completely self absorbed —just be present.  Know that you were right there in the moment for a purpose.  No past, no future. Just now.  Over the past 3 months – I have yet again adjusted my mantra.  Now it is to be present with God.  Note all the things that happen every day…every minute is amazing and they are because of God.  In pain  – I am drawn to Him for healing.  In happiness – I am drawn to him for gratefulness.  In sadness – for comfort.  Regardless of the emotion, I have found that if you stop in the moment you are in – you can find reason to give thanks to Him.  Even when it is not the best moment.  So my sappy advise for today is to live life’s moments, not birthdays or anniversary’s or times that you hold on to in order to wait to celebrate.  We all have reasons to do celebrate now.  Sometimes it feels like it is hard to find the reason.  But I promise if you look a little deeper and take a deep breath –  You will find it.

Have a beautiful week & sign up  to come to the fundraiser:)

Much Love,

Tracey