I have taken to the motto – one day at a time – almost literally over the past few years.  It slows down your life tremendously.  Makes you stop and think about all the blessing you have on a daily basis.  Keeps you grounded, appreciative and most of all humbled at how things could turn at the drop of a dime.  I dove head first into the bible, which has only expanded my ability to deal with cancer on a daily basis that much more.  I have taken advantage of the days that I have felt well and exercised, laughed and spent time with a multitude of friends and family – which truly makes my heart sing.  It has been a motto that has faired very well on days when I have felt well. Sometimes, it is a harder motto to live by when life gets messy.

I developed some rib pain a few weeks ago.  nothing horrible – just enough to annoy me when I took a deep breath, exercised or coughed.  I had my scans bumped up about 5 days to get a good look at my innards.  The X/Ray was negative for a fracture (great), the MRI was negative for spinal changes (great), the CT showed one liver tumor that had grown and several that had either shrunk or remained stable (that’s a wash in my book) and the bone scan showed a new place – right where I have been hurting (bad). Along with all the scans – we did blood work.  Everything for the most part looked ok.  my only bad blood work was that my liver enzymes were on the rise (not horrible – but enough to take caution) and my tumor markers had increased from about 350 to 560.  This was the worst part.  Anything over 400 from a cancer perspective is bad.  Normal ranges are under 40.  Essentially, from all the tests, the bottom line was that the clinical trial is no longer working (bad).  We were really hoping that I could stay on this trial longer as it had been an easy road for me.  But apparently – there is no point in taking a treatment that is completely ineffective.  So, as of last week – we had to go back to the drawing board.

The good news is that there are still a lot of options.  The bad news in that I have already blown through 2 of them!  Who knows – maybe the next one is the one that will make a big difference.  Only God knows the answer to that one.  I found out today that I will be changing over to a hormone therapy (to block the estrogen – as my cancer apparently likes it a lot) and another drug that increases how well the hormone therapy works.  I am still waiting on the insurance company to approve the other drug.  Some cancer drugs are not so cheap.  When I asked if I could pay for it privately (in case insurance does not approve), my doctor said – there is no way you could afford it.  It is looking as though they are going to approve it – but we have not received final word on that yet.  I looked it up online and it the cost is just shy of 10K for a 30 day supply.  DO WHAT???  I am not sure if it is gold plated, titanium?  something!  Why make drugs that are completely unaffordable for the public to use?  Don’t get me started on that kick.  Where is Obama Care when you need it?  Sure – you can have insurance – but they may not approve meds you need….anywho…I digress.

In a really big nut shell – It has been a crappy week.  On the brighter side – we now have a plan.  I like having plans.  I continue to have complete faith in my doctor and everything she does.  She is an amazing doctor and person and I am blessed to have her.  I am also blessed to have all my friends and family who continue to support me all the time (thank you all).  I am also blessed to have the most phenomenal husband who stands by my side at all times and hugs me at the perfect moments (thank you!!).

I hope you continue to pray and pray hard for me.  I don’t know what the next 4 weeks looks like.  But then again, I guess none of us do.  One day at a time.  Even on the bad days – I continue to think with the rising sun comes a new day of blessings.  And I thank God everyday for that!

God Bless.  Love to all.

Tracey